free* webhosting! (April 2021)

Jake Thoughts — 01 Apr 2021 07:13:09 -0400

Hey you! Do you want free webhosting? Yes? Great, I am offering free* webhosting for a limited time! Thats right, hop on your html5 compatible browser and go to http://free.jakesthoughts.xyz and start filling out the forms! What are you waiting for?? Don't delay! Get free* webhosting today!¹

Oh, what's that? You're worried that the consequences of my actions will be far too much for me to bear🐻? Ha! Nonsense! I LAUGH at such a preposterous idea! I am a certified^!TM professional webdev with about 1 months of experience (so many!). I am very qualified^!TM to handle your BORING plain html/css/js website. :^)

Oh, you didn't like my joke? Oh, you will just use Neocities instead? Yes, I suppose that is good: since they do offer 1GB of space whereas I only give you 50MiB of space; since they serve websites basically immediately whereas I am self-hosting this; since they make managing your website VERY easy whereas I expect you to either learn or be good at it; since they do other things as well... that I don't remember.

B-but! Neocities does NOT offer server side scripting, DO THEY? (they don't.) Neocities doesn't give you PHP, DO THEY?? (they don't.) Well, I do! And, I allow you to upload any kind of file that you want (as long as the contents of files doesn't have an arrangement of bits and bytes that would cause a violation of US law. I'm self hosting this you know!)

"This seems too good to be true." -You.

Yeah. Yeah it does. You have to deal with me. That might be the downside to this: I am not an expert at this but I feel like I can handle about... 20(?) websites easily. Maybe. I have about 10Mps up, which I predict will be the bottleneck in this project but we'll see. If my home internet becomes slow I will stop allowing new people for sure. The main target demographic is people who want to use SSI, server side scripting, MySQL (I will add this... 'soon'), and other server side features as long as it isn't too heavy on the system. Basically, I want to get good at this stuff for the hypothetical job interview that requires 5+years of experience, a degree in CS, knowledge in C, python, Perl with 10 years of experience in those, don't forget 3+years of experience with whatever the latest tech fad is (in this case 'cloud computering'), also SQL database management, also HTML5, CSS3, JS, not to forget, of course, expert knowledge in Linux with certificates that PROVE I really know my stuff that I also cannot afford, also active directory, also full-stack-developer, also relevant job experience (excluding self-employment, unemployment periods of 3+ months must be explained in detail, also I must be able to 'aptly' explain my role in released products) with required 3 references that WILL be called who must be previous supervisor (make sure to remember their position title too, slave! [and it BETTER be something good too, like project manager or preferably, CEO]), go through 3 rounds of interviews (to reallly show that I am a people person and that I am a 'rockstar'), for an unpaid internship for 90 days as a 'prohibition period' to 'make sure' that I 'fit with the culture'.

I somehow managed to make myself depressed with a single paragraph. I know that it is highly exaggerated but still... I'm really good at this! I should write a story. To be honest, my life would be unironically better if I never had the chance to see a computer, or rather if people didn't expect hyper IQ/hyper focus-on-work-only-until-retirement for such basic job descriptions. It's like the myth of Sisyphus: except the mountain only gets higher and higher and the boulder I roll never falls down.

Uh, anyway... I wanted to do this because I thought it would be a lot of fun! Setting up the processes that automate most of my work was definitely fun. I've done some stuff I that I would describe as clever so your website should should be safe from people who are logged in/rouge scripts, specifically, itk module. Each virtual host has its own userid and groupid assigned to it so basically, if something on your website gets pwned it shouldn't affect the rest of the machine. I even set up your login inside a working chroot with many things that you will probably need. Apache is chrooted as well, of course. If you need/want some features then I am totally cool with it, all get them.

=;inb4 chroot not secure

Well, sign up for this thing and exploit it then. Take screenshots of you in positions of potentially #rekting my box please. I'll try to harden it where I can.Thanks!

I also wanted to do this because running my own website is literally the easiest thing in the world. I wanted to make it more 'challenging' which is adding features that paid-for hosting would give you, like SQL databases for example which I do plan on adding. It is worth mentioning that I have never actually used a SQL database before so if setting it up is a pain in the ass it may be a while before it is accessible. I'll keep in contact with people who want it, if they want me to keep in contact.

I will explicitly mention: for those who came across this page through a search engine result, please note the date that this was posted.

Don't delay! Sign up today! http://free.jakesthoughts.xyz